Yo dont text me then not text me
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Randomize
