i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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