I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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