Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
