I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
