At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
