Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
