Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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