Im at strip club and am horny
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Randomize
