i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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