He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
