Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize