evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
