no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
