best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
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Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
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Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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