Just cropdusted the office
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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