Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
they need to just BURY HIM!
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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