i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
