Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
