My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
