pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
