I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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