Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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