The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
