Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I need a beard to bite.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
