yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
