My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
ugly people sure do ruin things
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Randomize
