i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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