i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
