do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
