No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
