Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
