watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
me + whiskey = a bad person
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Randomize
