Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
