I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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