i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize
