I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
