I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Randomize
