He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
