that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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