; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
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