i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Send help, water and tortillas.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
