My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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