areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
