I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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