we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize
