everyone is single if you try hard enough
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
