we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
