is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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