Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
