I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
