I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
These 27 Hilarious People Wrote Their Own Obituaries
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here