I'm gonna have a badass scar
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.