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Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
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