And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
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She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
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You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister