When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.