apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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