No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
