Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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