it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
My ass is underappreciated
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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