No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
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