there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
