Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
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