Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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