corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Semen is not good for contacts.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
