Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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