you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
