I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
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would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
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It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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