question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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