I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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