I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Randomize
