Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
