Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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