LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
