his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
They have beer where we have blood.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
i think im in europe. pls send help
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
