I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
