I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
