I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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