I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize