i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
