jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize