How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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