oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
