I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
