Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
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He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
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You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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