she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
