she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
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You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
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Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
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