a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
