I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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