dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
